I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
