So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
