At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
