dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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