Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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