Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
