Pants 0. Shit 1.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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