on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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