dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
