God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
