i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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