his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize