Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
