so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
