That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
