Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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