I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we're making bets on your personal life
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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