i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
