what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
