I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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