My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
