I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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