if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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