well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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