I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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