I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
