More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
