i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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