I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
