I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
