No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
