I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
