forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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