SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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