Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
