just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
