did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
