how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
