a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
