you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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