I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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