It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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