Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
