i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Blood and glitter go together right?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Randomize
