Where is the hickey?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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