I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I wear drunk well.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
