told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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