I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
