I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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