The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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