Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
