somebody snuck up and got me drunk
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
