i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
