Is it normal to miss your booty call?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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