Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
