he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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