remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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