how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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