I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize