That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
