just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
