Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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