Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
