I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
