you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize