my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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