She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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