why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
