i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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