My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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