It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
