You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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