Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize