I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
