The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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