Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
