she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
