When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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