All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
