just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sorry my hands just texted you
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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