I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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