my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
its not stalking. its research.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
COCAINE IS GR8
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
