Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
