your thong is hanging out like whoa
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
is wine microwaveable?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
