every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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