is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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