Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
