Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
