i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
