I cockslap morals
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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