i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
