he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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