If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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