I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
