his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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