He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
