Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
