Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
