Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
