my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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