hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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