thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
