Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We are all done wearing pants today
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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