Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
