i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
