Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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