its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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