My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
