I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think my moral compass just broke
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
