I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
