Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
