She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
