Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My vagina is officially offended.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
