we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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