I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The power of my boobs compel you
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
