Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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