I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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