Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
